My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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