tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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