M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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