We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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