You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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