I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
