I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize