he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
