I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize