My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
