I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize