Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My life is pants optional.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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