My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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