Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
