nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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