so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Damn victory sex feels great
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