my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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