The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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