We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Everything about him screamed your future.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
