My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you would pick up someone in the library
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
