I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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