I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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