We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We left an ass print on the piano.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
