onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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