i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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