I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
