Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
