This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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