Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
