I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
