just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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