i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
