I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
