before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
