I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
