Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
