Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize