We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
