If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
