i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
