Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
