I want to have your abortion
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
