I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
