Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
