the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
