This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
