What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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