They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
