I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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