drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
