i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
