grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
