what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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