drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
