Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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