They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
