And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
