If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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