the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
