I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
