peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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